Who am I
This is a question I always find my mind wandering to. We constantly hear this in our everyday lives and often answer with things like our name, our nationality, our job, our status, or some other insignificant label. And then there are those who refer to the deeper meaning. A lot of people have realisations when they travel or when they start new chapters of their lives and really believe they know who they are.
But here's the thing. You are not your name. You are not your body. You are not your job nor the prefix before your name nor the number of zeros in your bank account.
You are the way you made people feel. You are your favourite book, your favourite place to be. You are how many times you've laughed until you can't breathe. You are your best friends and you are all the tears you've shed. Your are how many times you've tried again.You are the smells that provoke your favourite memories; the hours you've spent consoling the people you love and being a shoulder to cry on; the alternating pitches of your laugh. You are all these moments and more. You are every second you've been on this earth.
We are not living to find out who we are; we are living to create who we are.
And do you know what that means?
That means you can be who ever who want to be.
You're in control.
Another question that has constantly scared me my entire life is: What do you want to be? It terrifies me that we have to decide at such a young age, the path we want to take in life. And some people may argue that you don't really need to know at 16, but try telling me that when this question is being bombarded on me in careers class, by subject teachers, even sometime by people I've only meet a few minutes. And it doesn't help that so many of my friends know exactly what they want to be and have a clear path laid out. Or by the fact that we're already supposed to be doing all these extravagant extra curricular activities that suit that specific job.
When I express how confused and lost I am at choosing a career path people list these random ideas; what about a doctor, or a teacher! You could be an accountant or a lawyer or an engineer or a designer!
I picture myself in these jobs and I can't decide if I would really be content or even just satisfied.
We've spent all these years studying tirelessly and have so many more of these years a head. I just want to make sure I'm not wasting it.
I want to have this big beautiful juicy life; I want to travel and blog and meet new people and have a family and make art and write books and have a dog and sky dive and see all the seven wonders of the world and help people and make an impact.
What job allows me to do that? Does that all fit into a teacher's summer holiday?
I don't know.
All I know is that I am who I am, I'm in control and I'm not going to let anyone take that away from me.
I'll get there eventually and I know I'm not alone in this feeling, so will you.
Yours sincerely x