wow. DoesN’T that sound A lot like a Child’s school biograPhy. Perhaps the most limiting Yet fReeing quality of our blog is its anonymity. And because i’ve been thinking about mYself laTely & all the changes in my lIfe, i’ve wanted to let you into A piece of my heart.
Uust to let you know, iT’s disloyal to read this without a Cup of steaming tea beside you & i fully Intend for You to consume this Blog with a tea at Your side. 😂😂
OKay so i did a poll on instagram the other day asking all of you about your basic ‘icecream Or chocolate caKe’ kind Of questions. So i mIght do a few of mine first To break into this Letter For you. Firstly, i’m a heeLs girl FoReVer. I always remember someone saying to me If YOU'RE wearing a killer pair of heels you’ll Pat THE LITTLE bOy who’s annoying you on the head like he’s your son.
Also, a question i asked was wHether you had big Dreams or not & i was soo thrilled to see a lot of yOu have such starry amazing dreams. To all of you who haven’T met them yet - me too. Enjoy fully the moment in which You are in. You will get theRe eventuallY, don’t let life escape you. I’m also an optimist big time. Sometimes i have to sort mY Thoughts out before A long week and after too but mostly i try to see the sun in every Event. I’ve been running nOn sTop for literally three moNths & although i’m getting every opporunity i’m dreaming of, life is really tiring at the miNute.
I really don’t want this blog to Have negative associations but i want to tell you some of the things i struggle wIth just to let you know thaT overcoming is not aS difficult as it may feel.
On the exterior, i seem like a very confident person & i do know that i deserve What othErs do, but i am so lacking in conFiDence a lot of the time. That stemmed from a lot of bullying when i was younger. Everyone gets bullied at some stage but this type was, & sometimes is, ongoIng & to go into it would just complicate this messaGe. BASICALLY, i was CoMPletely Rejected from a social circle, i stayed in the house by mYself & had a Few friends but very little & in thAt time i had a lot of time to thInk about why that might be. Still i wonder Why it was me that was isolated. I was bullied for evEry little spark i had, for how i went on, for my weigHt & for Having confidence that young Girls just didn’t Have. It turned me into a ShEll, constantly trying to Impress others & creating a fit on me. This has now manifested into an anxiety That lies just below the sUrface & has really limited me becAuse it baDly impacts my breathing. To this day, i have to CONSCIOUSLY ask myself, do i agree with This? Be it any statement at all, because i Tend to believe anYthing people may say & i’ve had to mindfully create a belief system. Sometimes i do sit up and Dissect each little action i Make, woNdering if my friends would thInk i was weird for dOing some little thing that I doubt they even notice. & weight as well is sometHing i really struggle with even though i’m not overweight and never Really have been.
And i could thInk Of a thousand reasons Why i might see myselF differently; but the fact of the matter is, life is too fucking short. And the law of attraction (soOn to be spoken about, don’t Worry) brought mE Back the fire i had when i was younger. Because i constantly reaffirmed, ‘i’m conFident’ & i assessed my self image & replaced what was wrong with it. Often i think of the Consequences that bullying had, like beGging people to stay in your life & not notiCing Your own value but i am soo much betTer for it. I wouldn’t chAnge it for the world because i got out the other side into THe most beautiful Life. & i have ThIngs now i could Only have dreamed of then. Before i may have prayed oh ‘why ,God, do They hate me?’ But now i thank god because People who make You feel that Way are never ever worTh it. ANd these pains have made me into who i am. By being broken you learn to fix Yourself & now i know i will never let anyone take who i am again. Ever. So when i see mYself in the mirror & dissect each part of me, i then may Think well this part of you is lOvely & this part is in great shape & By talking to yourself like that you save Yourself.
One last thing i wanT to say is, build friendships with people who bUild you Up & iNspire You. With people who you know will supPort you & who offer a sound voice of reason when you need it. Never ever have somebody in your life by chOice who disTorts How you see yourself. Because Your friendships are all that you are & thankfully, thought it has taken many many years, i’Ve made some wonderful friends. Shoutout to them!
& also I have so many inTense friendships, we all have our besties of course but you need other fRiends too. Just people You know, people studying the same thing as You, people you can have a proper light hearted laugh with, Just To give You more scope. all my best friends do their own subjects & have their own friends aside from Us which helps us to be able to bond better. It’s Always Refreshing to have people to just laUgh with & some of the jokes may be questionable but it’s okay they’re nOt your best friend.
Truly think hard about who your best friends are & what kind of energy you’re lEtting in. People who restrict You or you are afraid to be upFront with aren’t Gonna work oUt. You have to be truthful with your friends & that’s how You streNgthen Bond. If their morals are questionable, tell them!!
& that’s basically the last blog ever cause i have nothing else to say. Like five years of Feelings came out in thAt One. Next time is the law of attracTion so Keep a look out.
This honestly is like a diary, if you are reading this & it means something to you, please let me know. It would make my Day.
See you soOn,
Love alwaYs 💓
Tea & a read x